Surreality

Cork won the All-Ireland.

For only the sixth time ever, Cork are the All-Ireland Senior Football Champions. No one can question that this victory was deserved. Cork were looking ragged and unimaginative after a dramatic opening few minutes. However a late burst in the first half set the stage for a more expansive second half. Cork's victory was assured due some spectacular points in the second half; Donnacha O'Connor's stands out but Kerrigan's left footed effort was nothing short of heroic. An impressive cameo from Nicholas Murphy helped secure the middle for Cork.

None of that would have mattered if it wasn't for mister consistency; Daniel Goulding. Nine points in total, seven from placed balls which kept Cork in touch when they were desperately needed. The goal in front of Hill 16 was clearly much more slippery than the Canal End. Down struggled to make any production at that end, while it the combination of Down's indiscipline and Goulding's accuracy made the difference in the end.

Goulding was rightly awarded man of the match for his efforts, winning my brother €50 in the process. This tops off what is always the surreal experience of watching Goulding play on the TV. A guy that I played GAA with for around 14 years just won an All-Ireland and was Man of the Match to boot. Growing up it was always obvious that Dan was a talent. I remember watching him play in an under 12 final where he scored all bar a couple points of Éire Óg's tally that day (with the very capable John Gleeson in a starring role at corner back too). Playing full forward with Dan in the corner was a dream; he was almost always available for the breaking ball or making intelligent runs Even though he was always the best player on the field, it's still a little weird to think that he is THAT good. Like, it's Dan; I've gotten the better of him a few times in training (few being the important word there).

In an added layer of hilarity; the Examiner did a pre-final special supplement which included a focus on Éire Óg as we had Dan and Ciarán Sheehan on the Senior team and Kevin Hallissey on the minors. It was written by Fintan O'Toole (not THAT Fintan O'Toole) who played with Goulding and myself on that same Éire Óg underage team!

NFL Week 1: Ever Seen a Zebra Screw a Lion?

To say that Week 1 of the NFL was full of surprises is an understatement. I'm going skip talking about most it though to talk about the main talking point from the weekend. I should also find some synonyms for talk. I will though add that my fantasy team brought me in a healthy 110 points putting me in 633rd position overall. Compare this to my current ranking of 1,514,494th in the Premiership Fantasy Football. I think I know which game I'm better at predicting.

For next week; I'm betting on Michael Vick coming up big against the unlucky Lions and I've decided to take a cheap gamble on Arian Foster repeating his heroics. I was very tempted to go with Aaron Rogers this week, but the Bills have a pretty good secondary (well relative to the rest of the Bills team). Plus Vick is a LOT cheaper.This has left me money to splash on receivers; Ochocinco, Austin and Dallas Clark get onto the team. I'm going with the Viking's defence to capitalise on their dome's noise to score some serious points against the Dolphins.

Now onto the burning issue of the day; watch this and write down if you think this is a perfectly acceptable catch.

Maddeningly, the zebra impersonators known as the referees didn't see this as a perfectly fine catch against all logic and intuition. This call cost the Detroit Lions their first victory since about 100BC (hence the post title and not some weird porn). The issue of course being "a lack of control of the ball through the process of catching". It's very tough. There is a logic to the rule; you can't have people juggling the ball around in the hands and call it a catch. However, surely having complete control is not completely necessary. It capped off a really crappy day for Detroit with QB Stafford getting injured and likely to miss a couple games. Dose. Talk about a kick in the teeth. 

Fantastic Football! (Now with added steroids!)

It’s that time of year again people. That’s right; the NFL season kicks off this Thursday night with the mouth watering clash of the defending champions Saints against the Vikings. I’m not going to talk about this week’s games though. I’m going to focus on the fantasy game being run by NFL UK. It’s very easy to use and really adds to the games as you start roaring on particular players or teams. Anyway I thought I’d give a bit of a rundown of how to pick your first fantasy team.


There are eight slots to fill: 1 quarterback, 2 running backs (RB), 2 wide receivers (WR), 1 tight end (TE), 1 kicker and 1 defence. There is an $18m salary cap, and players range from $4m to $1m. The good part is that in true NFL style you are not restricted to any number of changes next week. That means you can focus week to week on exploiting the bad match ups to get some cheap points. The scoring system is quite straight forward. Any RB, WR or TE get 1 point for every 10 yards they earn for their team and 6 points if they get a touchdown. The QB gets a point for every 30 yards of passing and three points per thrown TD. He’ll also be scored in the same way as the other offensive guys for any scrambles or runs he goes on. The kicker simple enough gets 1 point for every point he earns for the team. The defence get 3 points per sack or recovered fumble or interception, 2 points for a safety, and a bonus 6 if they return an interception for a TD. Yards returned for by any special teams’ players don’t get points but they get the points for a TD as per usual if they manage to get all the way to the end zone. That’s easy enough right?

When it comes to picking your players you have got to be looking for value for money in that week, so keeping an eye out for mismatches is a must. Generally anyone playing Oakland, Detroit, or St. Louis can be expected to do well. As the season progresses the main NFL website will keep detailed statistics of every player’s performances which will make it easier to spot not so obvious beneficial match ups. When it comes to the individuals, you need to ask yourself how often a player is going to get the ball in that game and how likely is he to score big when he does. Receivers (both WRs and TEs) can have some good yards per catch statistics, but the good teams usually have 3 or 4 receivers to spread the ball to so even the number one guy might only get a few catches a game. Any teams main RB is guaranteed plenty of chances to run with the ball as well picking up the occasional pass too. Therefore it makes more sense to spend money on RBs than receivers. Generally QBs don’t have great points per dollar payback either as they need a big game to bring in a decent haul of points. My generally priority order goes like this: running back, running back, receiver, receiver, quarterback, defence, receiver, and kicker.

Some notes on that. Don’t ignore defences. They can be cheap, but can also put up some big points as the Eagles defence did last year. Ignore kickers. It’s next to impossible to predict which teams will kick a pile of field goals in a week. Just get a cheap guy from a team that are able to get into kicking range most of the time and you should be fine. Even though the QB is relatively low on the priority list, you will also inevitably end up having to spend money to get a good one. It’s not worth it to spend $2m on a QB who’s just going to be handing the ball to his RB for the whole game. You should budget $3m for your QB in general. With all that in mind I’ll talk through how I picked my team for Week 1.

First Choice: RB Chris Johnson - $4m. He’s expensive, but last year he showed me that he was worth every penny, over and over again. He racked up over 2,000 yards of rushing, some decent receiving yards and a heap of TDs last year. What’s more; the Titans’ offence is built around him. He is guaranteed to get his hands on the ball many, many times in a game. He’s almost a no-brainer at the worst of times and this week Tennessee host the generally terrible Oakland Raiders. I’m expecting an explosive start to year from Johnson.

Second Choice: WR Chad Ochocinco - $3m. I know I broke my own rule of thumb but it needs to be done if you see a combination you like and you want to get it. Even thought the Bengals start with a seemingly tough assignment against the Patriots, Tom Brady’s forces are not the team they were. Even at that, it’s their offence that keeps them going rather than their defence. The Bengals are an up and coming team and with the addition of T.O. to their receiving core this should give QB Carson Palmer more targets and also create more room for Ochocinco.

Third Choice: QB Carson Palmer - $3m. He wasn’t really my third choice; he didn’t make my first draft of the team, but I had to switch QBs to free up some cash for elsewhere. Taking him means that I have a lot riding on the Bengals-Patriots game, but sometime you have to roll the dice. The same analysis as above applies. I think the Bengals could be a much stronger force this year and Palmer definitely has the skills to break into the group of elite QBs in the league. I will admit it’s a big gamble though.

Fourth Choice: RB Tim Hightower - $2m. My first few picks cost me quite a lot so I had to start saving. Hightower at $2m is a good match up choice I think for two reasons. Firstly, Arizona are playing the St. Louis Rams who were the worst team in the NFL last year. Secondly, with Warner retiring and Leinhart being left go, leaving new boy Anderson as the QB I would expect Arizona to run the ball a heck of a lot more in the opening couple games at least. Anderson doesn’t exactly come with a great record, so when they get near the goal line I’m hoping the Cardinals go to Hightower to punch through to the end zone.

Fifth Choice: TE Vernon Davis - $2m. In reality, Davis was probably the first name down in my head. One simple reason; when the 49ers get near the goal line, it is Davis who gets the short receptions for TDs. He puts up decent points as a result at half the cost of Dallas Clark or Jason Witten. San Fran open against the Seahawks who have been turned on their head by new coach Pete Carroll. This could mean a productive day for Smith, Gore, Crabtree and Davis.

Sixth Choice: K Matt Prater - $1m. I chose my kicker next to get that out of the way. Denver’s Matt Prater looked like a solid choice from the $1m ones available. I refuse to believe that spending more on a kicker is worth it; simply because it’s so hard to predict who will score big in a given week.

Seventh Choice: D Arizona - $1m. I took Arizona’s defence based entirely on their match up. The St. Louis offence couldn’t fight its way out of a wet paper bag last year and they’ve announced that rookie QB Sam Bradford will be leading their team out on Sunday. I’m seeing at least 2 sacks and 2 interceptions in this for the Cardinals’ defence.

Eighth Choice: WR Devin Hester - $2m. I left this till last as it was the one causing me most problems. Do you go for the number two receiver on a throwing team and hope he has a big game or do you go for the number one guy on a lesser team? It’s a tough choice and I nearly rolled the dice with the Cowboys’ rookie receiver Dez Bryant. Instead I decided to go for a solid choice with a good matchup. Hester is the main man in Chicago. While the Bears won’t be in the Superbowl, they should get past the Detroit Lions who were marginally less terrible than the Rams last year. They bolstered their defensive line with the number two draft pick this year, which should mean more quick passes to the speedy Hester who will be expected to do the heavy lifting on his own.

So that’s my team. Any feedback is appreciated. If you sign up for the NFL UK fantasy football, let me know what your team name is so that I can gloat when I beat you week in week out. My team is the DG Dragons just so you know that it actually is me when they show the leader board on Sky Sports.