NFL Week 1: Ever Seen a Zebra Screw a Lion?

To say that Week 1 of the NFL was full of surprises is an understatement. I'm going skip talking about most it though to talk about the main talking point from the weekend. I should also find some synonyms for talk. I will though add that my fantasy team brought me in a healthy 110 points putting me in 633rd position overall. Compare this to my current ranking of 1,514,494th in the Premiership Fantasy Football. I think I know which game I'm better at predicting.

For next week; I'm betting on Michael Vick coming up big against the unlucky Lions and I've decided to take a cheap gamble on Arian Foster repeating his heroics. I was very tempted to go with Aaron Rogers this week, but the Bills have a pretty good secondary (well relative to the rest of the Bills team). Plus Vick is a LOT cheaper.This has left me money to splash on receivers; Ochocinco, Austin and Dallas Clark get onto the team. I'm going with the Viking's defence to capitalise on their dome's noise to score some serious points against the Dolphins.

Now onto the burning issue of the day; watch this and write down if you think this is a perfectly acceptable catch.

Maddeningly, the zebra impersonators known as the referees didn't see this as a perfectly fine catch against all logic and intuition. This call cost the Detroit Lions their first victory since about 100BC (hence the post title and not some weird porn). The issue of course being "a lack of control of the ball through the process of catching". It's very tough. There is a logic to the rule; you can't have people juggling the ball around in the hands and call it a catch. However, surely having complete control is not completely necessary. It capped off a really crappy day for Detroit with QB Stafford getting injured and likely to miss a couple games. Dose. Talk about a kick in the teeth. 

Fantastic Football! (Now with added steroids!)

It’s that time of year again people. That’s right; the NFL season kicks off this Thursday night with the mouth watering clash of the defending champions Saints against the Vikings. I’m not going to talk about this week’s games though. I’m going to focus on the fantasy game being run by NFL UK. It’s very easy to use and really adds to the games as you start roaring on particular players or teams. Anyway I thought I’d give a bit of a rundown of how to pick your first fantasy team.


There are eight slots to fill: 1 quarterback, 2 running backs (RB), 2 wide receivers (WR), 1 tight end (TE), 1 kicker and 1 defence. There is an $18m salary cap, and players range from $4m to $1m. The good part is that in true NFL style you are not restricted to any number of changes next week. That means you can focus week to week on exploiting the bad match ups to get some cheap points. The scoring system is quite straight forward. Any RB, WR or TE get 1 point for every 10 yards they earn for their team and 6 points if they get a touchdown. The QB gets a point for every 30 yards of passing and three points per thrown TD. He’ll also be scored in the same way as the other offensive guys for any scrambles or runs he goes on. The kicker simple enough gets 1 point for every point he earns for the team. The defence get 3 points per sack or recovered fumble or interception, 2 points for a safety, and a bonus 6 if they return an interception for a TD. Yards returned for by any special teams’ players don’t get points but they get the points for a TD as per usual if they manage to get all the way to the end zone. That’s easy enough right?

When it comes to picking your players you have got to be looking for value for money in that week, so keeping an eye out for mismatches is a must. Generally anyone playing Oakland, Detroit, or St. Louis can be expected to do well. As the season progresses the main NFL website will keep detailed statistics of every player’s performances which will make it easier to spot not so obvious beneficial match ups. When it comes to the individuals, you need to ask yourself how often a player is going to get the ball in that game and how likely is he to score big when he does. Receivers (both WRs and TEs) can have some good yards per catch statistics, but the good teams usually have 3 or 4 receivers to spread the ball to so even the number one guy might only get a few catches a game. Any teams main RB is guaranteed plenty of chances to run with the ball as well picking up the occasional pass too. Therefore it makes more sense to spend money on RBs than receivers. Generally QBs don’t have great points per dollar payback either as they need a big game to bring in a decent haul of points. My generally priority order goes like this: running back, running back, receiver, receiver, quarterback, defence, receiver, and kicker.

Some notes on that. Don’t ignore defences. They can be cheap, but can also put up some big points as the Eagles defence did last year. Ignore kickers. It’s next to impossible to predict which teams will kick a pile of field goals in a week. Just get a cheap guy from a team that are able to get into kicking range most of the time and you should be fine. Even though the QB is relatively low on the priority list, you will also inevitably end up having to spend money to get a good one. It’s not worth it to spend $2m on a QB who’s just going to be handing the ball to his RB for the whole game. You should budget $3m for your QB in general. With all that in mind I’ll talk through how I picked my team for Week 1.

First Choice: RB Chris Johnson - $4m. He’s expensive, but last year he showed me that he was worth every penny, over and over again. He racked up over 2,000 yards of rushing, some decent receiving yards and a heap of TDs last year. What’s more; the Titans’ offence is built around him. He is guaranteed to get his hands on the ball many, many times in a game. He’s almost a no-brainer at the worst of times and this week Tennessee host the generally terrible Oakland Raiders. I’m expecting an explosive start to year from Johnson.

Second Choice: WR Chad Ochocinco - $3m. I know I broke my own rule of thumb but it needs to be done if you see a combination you like and you want to get it. Even thought the Bengals start with a seemingly tough assignment against the Patriots, Tom Brady’s forces are not the team they were. Even at that, it’s their offence that keeps them going rather than their defence. The Bengals are an up and coming team and with the addition of T.O. to their receiving core this should give QB Carson Palmer more targets and also create more room for Ochocinco.

Third Choice: QB Carson Palmer - $3m. He wasn’t really my third choice; he didn’t make my first draft of the team, but I had to switch QBs to free up some cash for elsewhere. Taking him means that I have a lot riding on the Bengals-Patriots game, but sometime you have to roll the dice. The same analysis as above applies. I think the Bengals could be a much stronger force this year and Palmer definitely has the skills to break into the group of elite QBs in the league. I will admit it’s a big gamble though.

Fourth Choice: RB Tim Hightower - $2m. My first few picks cost me quite a lot so I had to start saving. Hightower at $2m is a good match up choice I think for two reasons. Firstly, Arizona are playing the St. Louis Rams who were the worst team in the NFL last year. Secondly, with Warner retiring and Leinhart being left go, leaving new boy Anderson as the QB I would expect Arizona to run the ball a heck of a lot more in the opening couple games at least. Anderson doesn’t exactly come with a great record, so when they get near the goal line I’m hoping the Cardinals go to Hightower to punch through to the end zone.

Fifth Choice: TE Vernon Davis - $2m. In reality, Davis was probably the first name down in my head. One simple reason; when the 49ers get near the goal line, it is Davis who gets the short receptions for TDs. He puts up decent points as a result at half the cost of Dallas Clark or Jason Witten. San Fran open against the Seahawks who have been turned on their head by new coach Pete Carroll. This could mean a productive day for Smith, Gore, Crabtree and Davis.

Sixth Choice: K Matt Prater - $1m. I chose my kicker next to get that out of the way. Denver’s Matt Prater looked like a solid choice from the $1m ones available. I refuse to believe that spending more on a kicker is worth it; simply because it’s so hard to predict who will score big in a given week.

Seventh Choice: D Arizona - $1m. I took Arizona’s defence based entirely on their match up. The St. Louis offence couldn’t fight its way out of a wet paper bag last year and they’ve announced that rookie QB Sam Bradford will be leading their team out on Sunday. I’m seeing at least 2 sacks and 2 interceptions in this for the Cardinals’ defence.

Eighth Choice: WR Devin Hester - $2m. I left this till last as it was the one causing me most problems. Do you go for the number two receiver on a throwing team and hope he has a big game or do you go for the number one guy on a lesser team? It’s a tough choice and I nearly rolled the dice with the Cowboys’ rookie receiver Dez Bryant. Instead I decided to go for a solid choice with a good matchup. Hester is the main man in Chicago. While the Bears won’t be in the Superbowl, they should get past the Detroit Lions who were marginally less terrible than the Rams last year. They bolstered their defensive line with the number two draft pick this year, which should mean more quick passes to the speedy Hester who will be expected to do the heavy lifting on his own.

So that’s my team. Any feedback is appreciated. If you sign up for the NFL UK fantasy football, let me know what your team name is so that I can gloat when I beat you week in week out. My team is the DG Dragons just so you know that it actually is me when they show the leader board on Sky Sports.

The T.O. Show Comes to Town

It's that time of year again. Sports of various codes are swinging back into action. The Premier League starts in under two weeks, but I'll leave my take on that till a closer date. The NFL doesn't kick off for another three weeks after that but the NFL has provided one of the most interesting signings of the summer. Screw the LeBron James primetime hour, the T.O. show rolls into Cincinnati this week and it's looks like a match made in heaven.

T.O. finally saw sense and took a large pay cut (he's down to $2m for the year) in order to play for a team that are real contenders. Not only that, but Chad Ochocinco (neé Johnson) and QB Carson Palmer have been vocal in trying to get T.O. to come. Ochocinco and T.O. are actually good friends which should help the bruising to T.O's ego which will come from him having to play second fiddle to Ochocinco. Hopefully, this shows that T.O. is ready to put his history behind him and focus on the serious business of winning that coveted superbowl ring. The Bengals now have Benson (a quality running back), Palmer (A Heismann Trophy winning, Pro-Bowl, first overall pick in the draft, so yeah quality) and two excellent wide receivers and had the fourth best defence in the league last year's regular season. This makes the Bengals serious contenders for the coming year.

I still think it's the Cowboy's year though. Or the Vikings.

The Greatest Show on Earth

Superbowl XLIV is a mere three days away. I am literally wetting myself with excitement. 


The Superbowl trail is littered with monumental stories, implausible comebacks and Goliaths being laid low. If New Orleans win on Sunday though, you'd find it hard to get a better story or find a city more in need of that win than any other. Only a few shorts years ago, the city was destroyed and the Saint's stadium the Superdome housed thousands of the homeless despite suffering terrible damage itself. Drew Brees decided to come to New Orleans, not only because nowhere else would have him, but because he genuinely wanted to help a city on it's knees.

Brees has managed to turn the fortunes of the team around, and has led them to a first ever Superbowl appearance. I've seen videos from New Orleans when they beat the Vikings for the NFC Championship; the place went mental. The whole city has been lifted by this. Not only that, but the whole team and Brees in particular have been incredibly active in the city, helping out with whatever charity work they can. Brees has even moved his principle residence to New Orleans, an unusual event for an NFL pro. 


If Brees and the Saints win it, it couldn't happen to better guys and neither could it be more important for a city.


That is the story. Unfortunately, it's Payton Manning and the Colts that stand in their way. As much as I want the Saints to win, I just can't see it happening in reality. The Colts are the complete package, with only a perceived weakness in special teams as their only constant criticism. The Colts defence can do a good enough job on the New Orleans line to make life tricky for Brees, and I can't see the Saints brutish but unsophisticated defence stopping the most intelligent quarter-back in the game from picking up another Superbowl MVP to weigh down his already groaning trophy shelf. 


There's been alot of chat about the possibility of Dwight Freeney not playing. It's a factor, but I don't think there's enough in the Saint's defence to stop the key Colts plays. If the game is to be won or lost by either side, it's when the Colts have it that matters. If the Saints defence can actually get to Manning again and again and make hits without giving away oodles of penalty yards, and if they can shut down the Colts running game, and if their man-coverage secondary can hold up; then they have a chance. 


That's a lot of if's though.

They think it's all over... but it's still f***ing going!

It's past 3am. I've had a long day building a set for a play, and I've to be up and gone in 6 hours to finish it off. I should be in bed. What's keeping my up? American football (much to the chagrin of many of my friends and family).
After the Colts took apart the Jets in the second half of the AFC Championship match earlier, the Saints and Vikings are still going at it, hammer and tongs, in overtime.

Fumbles in the NFL are counted like how Prachett's trolls count; one, two, many, lots. The Vikings have had enough fumbles to bamboozle any troll (at room temperature). They've blown it so many times when they could have won this game already, most noticeably at the end of each half of regulation time. The Saints have hit hard defensively, but seem to be getting absoloutely hammered by Minnesota's defence.

Regardless of the eventual outcome, one thing is painfully clear to me even now. This is Brett Favre's last season without a doubt. No more dramatic returns for the old warrior. He's gotten beat up so badly so far in this game that I'm amazed he's still walking let alone playing. The biggest hit was when a 26 year old, 125kg mountain of muscle named Hargrove picked up the 40 year old and drove him into the ground. I really hope the old man gets to the Superbowl again and that he'll be fully fit to play. It would be a fitting end to one of the most remarkable careers in NFL history.

Right now, the Saints have gotten into field-goal range, but the Saints have a very inexperienced kicker and the Vikings can still do something...

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but... toot

This weekend's divisional match-ups proved for the most part to be one-sided and disappointing, with the huge exception of the game in San Diego, where the heavily favoured Chargers got caught with their pants down by the New York Jets. Oh yeah, and who was the only person I've seen on the internet predicting a Jets win? ME. In fact, I predicted all 4 of the weekend's vistors. So, everyone should now listen when I say that next we'll see the Colts win the AFC and the Vikings win the NFC and go on to face each other in Super Bowl XLIV (that's 44 to save you some time figuring it out.)

The Indianapolis Colts crushed Baltimore convincingly and the Jets team they face now have essentially the same run-first and tough defence approach to the game. Even without going into how brilliant the Colts are, not having to make major adjustments to their approach during the week gives them an extra edge. The Jets on the other hand are lucky to be here thanks to an off-day from Nate Kaeding, the Chargers field goal kicker, who missed 3 attempts yesterday. The Jets much lauded defence also leaked many points to the Colts before they benched Manning and many of their starters in week 16. The Jets managed to sneak a win then, but I wouldn't expect Manning and co. to be removed next weekend.

The Vikings-Saints game is going to be closer, and the Saints defence finally showed that in can put in some plays against a good Arizona offence. However, with the arsenal of weapons available to Favre, and if their defensive line can dominate like it did against the Cowboys; I just don't see a way out for the Saints. Adrian Petersen will also be dying to get back out make some plays after being limited on Sunday, and there are large holes in the Saints running defence as shown in first 19 seconds of their game on Saturday.

My play of the week was Sidney Rice's first touchdown against the Cowboys. The 45 yard pass from Favre is inch perfect and a joy to watch.

Wild Wild-Card Action in the Wild, Wild West

NFL Wild Card weekend produced three one sided encounters, almost entirely devoid of drama. The fourth game in Arizona however produced more emotion, drama and excitement than any fan could ever have hoped for. While the average score in the other three games was 22, the Packers-Cardinals game went into overtime at 45-45 and a defensive touchdown from the Cardinals on the third play of overtime lifted the roof of the stadium in Phoenix.

At home, I have to fight every week to watch NFL but this game managed to grab the attention of everyone; my father, mother and two sisters. Two teams with highly effective offences and defences that were struggling equals high scoring, high octane football.

I’m not going to begrudge the cardinals their victory; they came out and made that big play in overtime when it was needed, almost immediately after missing a potentially game winning field goal, but I honestly think that it was the Packers that deserved to win. Aaron Rodgers playing in his first ever playoff game threw an interception with his first pass of the game and saw his second get picked up by Arizona after a fumble, both of which the Cardinals turned into two touchdowns. He picked himself up, dusted himself off and completed nearly 75% of his remaining passes for over 400 yards and threw 4 touchdowns. If only the Packers much lauded defence had been able to make one or two big plays, then it would have easily been the Packers marching the New Orleans next week.

That being said I don’t want to take anything away from the unbelievable performance of Kurt Warner. 29 complete passes from 33 attempts for 379 yards and five touchdowns. This gave Kurt a spectacular Quarter-Back rating of 154.1, the second highest ever in the NFL postseason.

As hard as it is, one must look ahead to next weekend. Can any of next week’s games match up in terms of drama? Well, actually, there are a couple candidates....

• Arizona Cardinals v. New Orleans Saints

Two stunning offences led by two of the best quarter-backs in the league, and both teams have been shown to have weak defences. This is gonna be a good ‘un. Despite their problems at the end of the season, I’m picking New Orleans. The week off will have helped them get their house in order and the Cardinals picked up a few knocks in their already porous defence last night. Rodgers was an inexperienced QB who had a few early errors that ended up costing Green Bay the game; Drew Brees won’t be making those mistakes.

• Dallas Cowboys v. Minnesota Vikings

The winner of this will be representing the NFC in the Superbowl. Here you have two very balanced offences, one led by the man having the season of his life, Tony Romo, and the other led by the legend Brett Favre. Crucially both of these teams have defences that have been making plays all season too. This won’t be as high scoring, as the Cardinals-Saints games, but there will still be plenty of drama. I fancy the Vikings to pip it, just. The Cowboys weren’t under any pressure at all against the Eagles, which made their lives very easy. I don’t expect them to get the same treatment from the Vikings who will also have some very, very load home support.  I expect the game to be lost by the Cowboys as opposed to being won by the Vikings, if you get my drift.  

• New York Jets v. San Diego Chargers

After all the Week 17 drama in the AFC, the playoffs here seem pedestrian in comparison. San Diego seem to have glided into the playoffs without causing any major drama. However star running back LaDainian Tomlinson has had a decidedly below par season, and the Chargers have become reliant on their passing game to find yards. The Jets really impressed me with the way they went about their business on Saturday. They are a tough physical team that run and run and run. Their defence clamped down on OchoCinco so hard that he didn’t get a single reception until the 4^th quarter. I fancy the Jets to take this one too.

• Baltimore Ravens v. Indianapolis Colts

The ease with which the Colts made it here was almost embarrassing for the league. They could have easily gone 16-0 except that they decided to rest season MVP Peyton Manning and many other starters. Baltimore showed good hustle with their demolition of the New England Patriots, but you’d want to be a crazy man to think that there is any team in the AFC that can beat the Colts when they are full strength. The Baltimore defence did a number on Tom Brady, getting no less than three interceptions. I can guarantee you, Peyton the Nerd will have studied each of them intensely and that will not happen again. Colts to win. 

NFL Week 17

And thus the regular season ends... and what an ending it was.


Miami's desperate comeback attempt, Houston's futile comeback and the Romo taking apart the Philadelphia Eagles were my personal highlights. The upshot of all the action was that amazingly, three of next weeks four play-offs are repeats of pairings from this week. The drama of the whole thing had me on the edge of my seat for all of the 6 hours it was on TV and I went to sleep rooting for the Bengals to do Houston a favour. Alas, it was not to be and Houston will have to wait for their first ever play-off appearance.


On a more personal note, my fantasy team failed miserably once again to earn me a free trip to Miami for the Superbowl. Despite getting good performances from Tony Romo (16 points), Vernon Davis (14) and Chris Johnson (27), the rest of my team was a dissappointment. New England's vunerable secondary shut down Andre Johnson, but annoyingly let everyone else in. Baltimore had a good day running against Oakland, but unfortunately it wasn't Ray Rice (6 points) that got in the end-zone. Damn Willis McGahee got more points with a single 77 yard run for a touchdown than Rice got in the whole match. More depressingly, my pessimism about Cleveland's upturn in fortune remained unrewarded (Mike Sims-Walker was limited to TWO points). So add in Miami's defence putting in a decent 15 point performance gave me 94 points for the week, a mere 67 short of the weekly winner. Sigh.  

Looking forward to next week, I'm predicting wins for New England, Cincinnati, Dallas and Green Bay.  

New England are good are defending against their opponents strongest attacking weapon (see above about Andre Johnson). In Baltimore's case this is the run. Take that away and they're boned; they're only 18th in the NFL in passing yardage and Joe Flacco's 88.6 QB rating is not enough for the Ravens to mount a serious challenge. On the other side of the ball, the Patriots have Brady and Moss. Enough said.

The Jets have been the quiet team to sneak into the play-offs this year, but I can't see them get past the first round. Despite beating the Bengals in New York this weekend, I just don't think they have the quality Cincinnati have. The Bengals had nothing to play for and the Jets were playing to get into the play-offs. Palmer, Ochocinco, Benson have all been on fire this year, but who's been on song for the Jets? They have 3 Pro-Bowlers to the Bengals zero, but none in game-making positions (centre, guard, corner). 

In Dallas on Sunday, the Eagles just didn't turn up and Romo ripped them apart. Crucially, it was without doing anything too spectacular. Bad defense decision making from Ashante Samuel cost the Eagles sorely and they couldn't get any pressure on Tony Romo. Unless the Philly defence turns up on Saturday, it'll be another easy win for the Cowboys.

The Green Bay-Arizona clash is the tightest one, but I'm going to go with the Packers. Why? Well, for starters I'm biased. I am a bone-fide cheeshead. Not just that but Green Bay's defence has been performing brilliantly and Aaron Rogers has matured into a real quality quarter-back. Arizona haven't shown any form in the regular that would suggest they could be contenders and have a weak division to thank for their appearance in the play-offs. Then again, they didn't last year either...